Love Bombed Then Ghosted? The Cruel Reasons People Do It.
Love bombing is becoming more commonplace in today’s dating world. One thing we don’t talk about nearly as much is what happens when you get love bombed then ghosted?
It is an incredibly disorienting experience, often leaving victims unable to trust themselves or others. So let’s talk about why it happens.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is when someone showers you with attention and affection at the beginning of a relationship to create an intense bond. It’s usually done by people trying to control or manipulate their partner. The goal is to produce intimacy faster than normal.
It’s common in romantic relationships but can occur in non-romantic relationships like friendships and professional relationships, too.
We often associate love bombing with narcissistic manipulation tactics, but it can also happen in relationships with people who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.
BPD love bombing is a common feature of the idealization phase of a BPD relationship. As we’ll see in a minute, this type of love bombing is very likely to end in ghosting.
Common Signs of Love Bombing
There are a few signs of love bombing to look out for when dealing with new people. Here are a few:
- They put you on a pedestal: They idealize you and ignore any flaws or shortcomings, appearing to find you perfect.
- They move too fast: They’ll push for a commitment too soon and use words like “I love you” early in the relationship.
- They want to spend all their time with you: There’s little separation between your lives. They shower you with constant attention and even get upset if you try to socialize without them.
- Grand romantic gestures: They shower you with expensive gifts or take you on elaborate dates early in the relationship.
Love bombers do all these things because they want you to be attached to them quickly. For some people, it’s an adrenaline rush and an ego boost to get people to fall in love with them – like a game.
For others, it’s about their insecurity. They need to know you won’t leave them or become disinterested.
That latter point makes love bombing then ghosting even more confusing.
How Long Does the Love Bombing Stage Last?
The love bombing stage can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. It all depends on how long the person doing the love bombing takes to achieve their goal.
Usually, that goal is to manipulate someone into a serious relationship too quickly.
But sometimes, love bombing ends abruptly. So abruptly, in fact, that the person doing it just disappears.
What is Ghosting?
That abrupt disappearing act? That’s ghosting. Ghosting is a pattern of behavior where someone cuts all communication with another, seemingly without warning. They just disappear.
That’s hurtful on its own, but there’s an extra sting to it when the person just spent a number of weeks showering you with excessive attention and praise.
When A Love Bomber Ghosts You: A.K.A. Ghost Bombing
When you’re love bombed then ghosted, it can feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. One minute you’re on cloud nine, and the next, you’re left feeling confused, hurt, and rejected. It’s a harsh reality, but it happens more often than you think.
In fact, it’s become so much more common that we now have a term for it: ghost bombing.
What is Ghost Bombing?
Ghost bombing is exactly what it sounds like – a period of intense love bombing then ghosting. They hit you with grand displays of affection and make you feel like you’ve found an incredible potential partner, only to drop off the face of the Earth like you never existed.
For more insights and a glimpse into ways you can maybe this coming, check out this video:
Why Do People Love Bomb and Then Leave?
That is the million-dollar question. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been much research on ghosting in general (though that is changing), and certainly not among serial love bombers.
But there are some theories.
For one, the modern dating scene lends itself more to ghosting than pre-dating app eras.
Through the miracle of online dating, people who would have never otherwise met can connect, take an interest, and date one another without any social networks in common.
It’s easier to ditch someone out of the blue when there are no mutual people in common to hold you accountable.
Ghosting hurts in any circumstance, but it is especially confusing when the person who does it just got done love bombing you.
Related Post: What Ghosting Says About You (And Why You Should Care)
The Role of Social Media in Love Bombing and Ghosting:
Because we don’t have a lot of research on love bombing then ghosting, we have to explore what we know about love bombing and ghosting more broadly. A recurring theme in contemporary research is the way social media has changed the way we relate to each other.
When our in-person lives and online lives start to crisscross, many lines blur. This is especially true when so many of our romantic pursuits are initiated by swiping left or right.
Social media can be a tool for developing a false sense of intimacy with others. We can like and share each other’s posts and speak in DMs, where people are more likely to reveal deeply personal things about themselves versus in face-to-face interactions.
On the flip side, social media makes ghosting much easier. All we have to do is hit the block button, and it’s done.
It happens to so many people.
You meet someone, maybe online, and form a deep, meaningful connection. You meet in person, and there’s a spark. So you take that momentum offline for a period, and it feels like you’ve met your soulmate.
But then everything changes. One person disappears, and the other is left wondering why. It seems like a horrible way to treat someone, yet it’s becoming increasingly common. Why?
There is No Logic to Love Bombing then Ghosting.
Remember that love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation.
Usually, the person doing it feigns the intensity of their connection with you to achieve a goal. Sometimes that goal is to control; other times, it is to take advantage of the other person’s vulnerability.
Other times, you’re an unexpected victim in someone’s emotional high, and when they swing in the other direction, you get left behind, too.
But why go through the effort of love bombing someone just to disappear?
Reasons People Love Bomb Then Ghost:
The following reasons explain why someone might love bomb then ghost. None of them are satisfying, but it’s our best guess based on what we know about the psychology of this behavior.
1. They have multiple victims.
Sometimes people love bomb then ghost because they are love bombing multiple people and have moved on to a new victim. It’s also possible they are monkey-branching and moving on to their backup relationship.
Ultimately, this is good for you because it means you’ve dodged a bullet.
It’s possible they sensed you were not going to be an easy target, or they are someone who likes to chase the high of new relationships, and the initial buzz of your romance was starting to wane.
This type of thrill-seeking behavior is really common among people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). They have an inflated sense of self-importance and seek out relationships that reinforce that feeling.
Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that the initial chemistry high always fades and settles into a more stable rhythm. Love bombers are allergic to stability, so off they go.
2. They got what they wanted from you.
If a person love bombs you to get something, they’ll disappear once that need has been met. It could be they wanted sex, attention, or money, as soon as they can tick that box, they may ghost and move on to the next victim.
3. They get satisfaction from playing psychological games with people.
There are people in this world who get a sense of fulfillment and affirmation by making people get attached or playing head games.
These types get bored or uncomfortable easily and disappear.
They’re emotionally immature and can’t handle confrontation. They also have no sense of responsibility for their actions.
Better to rip the bandaid off and act like it never happened.
For more on why these types ghost, check out this video:
4. They like power.
This is closely related to #3, but some people love bomb and ghost because they like it when people fall in love with them quickly. Again, it’s very affirming.
They get to say, “Look at this person who is already in love with me! I’m so great!”
It’s less about wanting the person to actually love them than it is about claiming the prize. They get to feel like an attractive, desirable human being and that feels good to them.
But it’s very much like the dog who catches the car.
Once they’ve won the other person’s affection, the high of the chase wears off, reality sets in, and they get spooked and run away.
This is another common relationship behavior among narcissists.
5. They have an avoidant attachment style.
People with avoidant attachment styles are afraid of close connections and will often withdraw intimacy and ghost to protect themselves from emotional harm. This is a trauma response, often rooted in childhood trauma, abuse, or abandonment.
So why do they bother to love bomb at all?
Well, because they are equally terrified of being alone and rejected. So they use love bombing to create intimacy and trust. This is very common in BPD relationships and happens during the ideation phase of the relationship.
Once the BPD partner senses something is no longer perfect, they fall back on black-and-white thinking patterns. If this person isn’t perfect, they are bad, so I must leave them before they leave me.
6. There is no reason.
This last one is probably the most unsatisfying of them all, but the truth is, sometimes love bombers and ghosts don’t know why they behave the way they do, which is even more reason to stay far away from them.
Related Post: Why Ghosters Come Back, But You Shouldn’t Let Them
The Worst Love Bombing I Ever Experienced
To paint a picture of how this happens, I’ll tell you a brief story of a guy we will call K. This is purely for illustrative purposes, and you are welcome to skip ahead.
I met K on a dating app and million years ago, and we seemed to hit it off right away, so we decided to meet in person.
K and I met up for coffee in Union Square and stayed for two hours before deciding to grab dinner, which lasted another couple of hours.
Because we were having such a great time, we embarked on a rom-com-style adventure at the nearby Barnes and Noble and then chatted on a bench until it was time to go home. In total, I think this date lasted 8 hours. We agreed to meet up the next day.
I would have sworn I’d just met my soul mate (red flag #1).
The next date was just as long.
We spent the following day hanging out a the park, holding hands around Brooklyn, carrying on like we’d known each other for years. He made comments to that effect – little suggestions that I was special, this was special.
The next week he texted or called me daily (red flag #2).
In my mind, this was kismet.
We carried on like this for maybe two weeks. The last time I saw him (spoiler alert), I remember going to his place in Harlem and having intense conversations about his life – his alcohol addiction as a teen, being adopted, and losing his adoptive mother.
I absorbed all of it.
His dog took an instant liking to me, something I will always remember him noting as “a sign” (red flag #3).
After spending the entire day together, we walked over to Central Park. We had a long conversation about how he felt ready for a serious relationship – a topic he brought up unprovoked (red flag #4).
After “the talk,” we returned to his apartment, a million ideas whirling around my head. Was this my person? Was he about to ask me for a commitment? This was too fast, right?
No, no, and yes.
I never heard from him again.
We got back to his place, and his entire demeanor shifted.
In an impressive show of “what is happening right now?” K decided he had changed his mind during the five-minute walk from the park to his apartment.
He didn’t want a relationship. He did, however, want me to leave.
Just like that.
While I sat on his couch, stunned into silence, he opened his front door. I was to leave immediately. He didn’t want to hear from me again and never did.
If you’re reading this thinking that nothing about this makes sense, you would be correct.
I was devastated. Blindsided.
But even worse, I felt like I had imagined everything. What did I miss? How was I so wrong?
In retrospect, there was clearly something broken about K that drove him to be someone who did what he did.
Was/Is he a narcissist? A sociopath? Damaged goods? All of the above?
Who knows.
What I do know is that he did this to me at a vulnerable point in my life, and I immediately internalized his behavior, believing I had caused it. Although it happened so fast, the damage was real. I felt like I could not trust myself or my instincts for a long time afterward.
The Impact of Love Bombing on Victims
The truth is love bombing can be incredibly harmful and even traumatizing for victims.
People who love bomb are often great at reading people. This is a classic master manipulator skillset.
They know how to hook us in by instantly recognizing the attributes and traits we want to be recognized for and then digging deeper to get us to open up and drop our guard.
My first date with K lasted nearly 8 hours, an experience I thought was akin to twin flames meeting when in actuality, this was probably something he routinely did to women he met.
K is probably someone who can talk to anyone and knows how to find the right threads to pull to manufacture a connection.
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Why Love Bombing Works
Love bombing is effective because it plays on our innate desire to be understood and loved.
When there is instant chemistry with someone, it is harder to see the situation objectively. We crave that intense “love at first sight” connection, so it’s natural to want to go along with it when someone offers something resembling that.
When the love bombing ends, and that connection, attention, and admiration are yanked away, the victim feels like they are at fault.
The intensity of love bombing is by design.
It is meant to throw you off your game and leave you emotionally vulnerable. Whether they are doing it for control, money, sex, or to experience the adrenaline high of new connections – the result is the same.
The victim is left to wrestle with feelings of shame, regret, and worthlessness.
What To Do If You Get Love Bombed Then Ghosted.
The first thing you should do if you get love bombed then ghosted is to tell yourself that it isn’t your fault because it isn’t!
Remember that love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation, and anyone can fall victim to it.
I know that saying so doesn’t alleviate the hurt or confusion, but maybe it gives you the space to start the healing process without finding ways to blame yourself for the other person’s behavior.
Second, as much as getting love bombed then ghosted hurts, I promise it is a blessing in disguise. This is not someone you want in your life.
Love bombers do not ghost you because there is something wrong with you. They ghost you because they are bad people who hurt others.
If you feel like you’re struggling to move on after getting love bombed then ghosted and it is impacting your ability to form healthy connections with other people, it’s worth talking to a counselor.
They can help you process what happened and provide strategies to rebuild trust in yourself and others.
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I hadn’t even heard of ‘love bombing’ until I explained my situation to friends and 3 of them all said the same thing at the same time!!
Bit of background info. Matched this guy on tinder and I always like to make sure they aren’t a catfish Yano? So I asked for his Snapchat which he said he didn’t use – I know some people don’t but he was 27 so I thought it was strange. After about 5 days of chatting back and forth on tinder, he gave me his Twitter so I followed him and he followed me back. We hit it off right away. As soon as I accepted his request to follow me back, he was right in my dm’s. We would laugh and joke at first then after another week & a half, I gave him my number so we had conversations between twitter and WhatsApp before moving on to WhatsApp. This guy done all the things that someone who love bomb does and it’s only just opened my eyes! He would compliment me, tell me how he was obsessed with me and no matter what, nothing would change his mind…I was HIS GIRL!!! He didn’t want anyone else. He even deactivated tinder so he could focus on me and us and I done the same as I felt bad. So, he went to visit family for a week but we remained in contact. He was supposed to be there longer but wanted home to see me (family were 2 hour drive away). He came home and we made the plans. First date was at his house. I want to add now, at the start of us chatting I made him fully aware that I am not the type to sleep around right away because I don’t want to be used and he agreed he was happy to wait for me to be ready which made me happy because some guys don’t want to wait. Anyway, we were chilling in his house…cuddling, kissing, holding hands. He went out the room for 2 minutes and came back in with a big bouquet of flowers for me. I had a smile because my ex never even done that for me! He even said to me to put the flowers on the floor so we could cuddle closer & watch a film – and no we didn’t sleep together and he didn’t even try to make that move. Anyway, he walked me to within 1 minute walk from my house and we cuddled and kissed again before departing ways. When he got home, he had text to say he needed to charge his phone and would message me soon (this isn’t unusual as his phone battery always died quickly). So after about 20 minutes he text me and we were talking just about general chit chat. He said he had a really sore head and the tv was bright so he was going to take paracetamol and try get to sleep (he had been at the pub earlier before he seen me so I put it down to that). We said night and that was it until the next morning. I messaged him at work saying good morning and he replied a couple of hours later (again wasn’t unusual as he always woke up around midday). I could tell he was a bit off with his replies so I said thank you for last night, I really enjoyed it and he said ‘it’s ok lol xxxxx’ so I said well from that message, I get the feeling you didn’t like it and he instantly responded with ‘Not gonna lie, I don’t see us being anything more than friends’. You can imagine my shocked face considering 12 hours earlier everything was sooo different. Even when we were departing ways that night, he was saying how he would come see me after my shift and we would do something.
This was the first guy I had kissed and even cuddled since my ex and I split 2 years ago as I had been focusing on uni and work. So I was absolutely distraught and was racking my brain to think what I had done wrong. It came to me when love bombing was explained that this is exactly what he had done!!! So now, he’s back on tinder (as am I lol) and I’m tempted to swipe right for the reaction🤣🫠
I’m soo glad I found your blog..feel like I’m not alone. Let’s call my love bomber “Airforce guy” ..since he works at Beale, Airforce base CA. We met at Match and he instantly professed his love & devotion. In the beginning of the courting stage, he has showered me with sooo much gifts and flowers and traveled 2.5 hrs everytime to see me. This went on for 5 weeks. Sweetest guy but I started to set boundaries and asked him to slow down a little bit. I think he realized I’m not giving up sex that easily..he got cold and is gone.
I met him on match. We spoke and texted and went out 3 times a week for two months and a half. He would FaceTime me every day at his lunch time and before going to sleep. We would spend all weekend together. Then one day he told me he had a lot on his mind. Blocked me and disappeared. Had I not had all those texts telling me how much he loved me I would have thought I had imagined the whole thing.
I’m so sorry that happened! I wish I could help make sense of it for you.
What if youre not a victim?
What if things were going well, but you exhibited a red flag and he moved on?
I never heard of the words love bombing or ghosting until I actually experienced it…
I Met a guy on Bumble App after texting for 2 days with what I thought was about getting to know each other, we went out for a date on the third day for 7 1/2 hours. I was completely lovebomb many many compliments about my physicality, and he over-the-top treated me to what I thought was special but later to find out that it was not three days after an incredible date, he text me saying that he had thoughts not concerns and that he wants to talk to me all this during my day of work. All I was thinking was I had a magical date and I wanted a second one. 19 hours later no call and I text him to ask him to please call me instead of calling me he text me. First part telling me how meaningful I was to him how he’s never had a stronger attraction to any other woman, and he can get lost in my physicality, and that he is happy that we spoke about taking things at a certain pace. Second part of text was him telling me because I was 10 years older than him & that he doesn’t hold it against me, that a butterfly thought went through his Mind that he may be alone in later years and then says trivial I guess who knows and then goes on to say my grandparents were 10 years apart baggage more than most. The third part then goes say, to be transparent in this dating app, world I am chatting with others and making plans. He asked me out on the first date for a second date but he’s never pin down the second date I called him and confronted him, asking him why he didn’t call me like he said he would and that I was confused by the text and his response was there’s no confusion here there’s nothing else to talk about. I’m not gonna go on with the rest, there are a lot of phone calls and texts, and I thought that we discussed everything and then he ghosted me. I cannot even begin to express how I felt since I felt. I was very blindsided by a lot and many other emotions.
I now realize he is an Avoidant Narcissistic personality & dismissive of my feelings & not caring toward me.
Yes dating now is definitely not going in completely trusting but pulling back and really letting trust be earned. This is been a very disheartening experience. It just happened two months ago and it is still on my mind about processing How can someone do that & what you mentioned about how one can feel after being lovebombed & ghosted. Reading your article have some clarity.
I’m sorry that happened, Gabby! It really does feel like the Wild West in the dating world these days. I hear horror stories from people all the time. Sending you positive vibes!
I fell in love with this man named Flynn and we were coworkers first. He had just gotten out of a bad relationship and had to move the next state over. He told me how he felt after he got on the bus to his family’s home. I realized then I felt the same way. I kept in constant contact and in March he picked a fight and disappeared. I blocked him and he found a way to contact me.
He came back to town and stayed with his ex telling me that I was the reason he was back in town. He got a job moved to his own apartment and our relationship took off stronger than before. In the back of my mind I was terrified he was going to disappear on me again.
After two months of intense love bombing and what I thought was a true connection, he got mad at me for something and stopped responding. He refused to answer messages or return calls. After saying he would never pull this on me again, hs hurt me again. Total ghosted. This happened 3 days ago and part of me feels so beyond devastated. The other half feels relieved that I dodged a bullet and a big part of me feels like I should have not taken the bait and let him back into my life after the first time he disappeared.
I feel like a total fool, he showed me who he was once, but I wanted to believe he was the real deal so I let him back in.
I’m sorry that happened, Roxanne! It sounds like this guy has a lot to work on and you’ve dodged a bullet. I know it doesn’t take the sting off, but at least now you know what he’s really like.
I fell victim to love bombing and my daughter fell victim as well.I started talking to this girl on a app called hinge it was fast she immediately wanted to exchange numbers so we did.. couple weeks later she came over to my apartment for the first time and we drank beer talked and I basically told her I’m looking for my best friend and I’m not trying to rush a relationship and won’t settle for anything less. She had told me that she had back surgery in the past and didn’t have health insurance and I thought that’s kinda dangerous and she had cashed out her IRA retirement which I thought was kinda dangerous as well.. Im a big candle person so she went on this trip with her mom and brought me a 35 dollar candle back plus something for my daughter back.. thought that was a little much.I went to a fundraiser for her work and met all her work people very quickly met her family and daughter very quickly started the I love you very quickly..I over looked the fact her baby daddy was a drug addict her dad and her sister..So she’s probably got a lot of psychological issues her mom and dad split and her mom chased money and inherited money..So she’s very bad with money. So I was having a tough week at work and I mentioned I’d just like to get away for a weekend so she booked a Airbnb for us very early on got tickets for a comedy show very early on took the kids to see a concert very early on.. we got massages and she bought a monthly membership afterwards for 75 dollars. I thought that was kinda strange.She’s a very reckless spender she took me to old navy and bought me 100 dollars for of clothes on a credit card.. it was really uncomfortable.Mold me into this version of who she projected.So months go by and after lots of dates she offers me to move in with her I asked over a dozen times and I should’ve followed my gut but kept saying yes.. so she helped me move in to her house and things just kinda snowballed from there she wanted to get her bathroom redone and I knew someone who could do it.. she went on vacation and wasn’t home?Anyway the messed up the flooring but didn’t tell anyone how it was supposed to look.She borrowed money from her mom and I was responsible for paying her mom back 500 dollars a month..I can’t sustain that.If I borrowed money from someone and made someone else pay that back..I’d feel like a asshole.. this was august September she had to get emergency back surgery again second one without insurance 20,000 dollars bill. By this time we were engaged she took me on a helicopter ride she had talked to me through texts her ring size and all this stuff I had moved in to her house.. right then and there wedding plans should’ve came to a halt. They didn’t so we had an engagement party she didn’t like the outfit I was going to wear.. the girls didn’t care.. as the holidays rolled around she told me this is what I do you do your thing I’m not trying to drive around all day.. yea I was drinking but not everyday.. I started to see she had no interest in anything I wanted to do.My birthday she dropped 200 dollars on the four of us to eat.. we barely were intimate in the mornings cause she went to bed at 10 and her daughters room was directly across the hall.My daughter stoped coming around she was love bombing her and she felt uncomfortable..she’s 12 but very smart.There we’re constantly people coming over the house and I can’t really say anything cause it’s not my house but boundaries were being overstepped.. I had friends over one time never got asked why don’t you ask your friends to come over they are like a hour away from where we were.. so it’s hard.None of her friends had husbands or boyfriends expect for one.That friend left her husband went on a cruise with a guy and told her parents that she was going with her so no one could get ahold of her friend so they kept calling her and she would ignore it. I’m sorry but I would never do that to anyone.Can’t imagine how that guy feels right now.So she started doing things with her friends without me.. so I started drinking alone I was depressed and realizing I made a huge mistake I never got to develop a relationship with her daughter..so we literally didn’t have one at all.So basically I moved into this persons house and I was living there while she’s living her life as it was before I came.. then she found out her sister was doing drugs again she has two kids one lives with her mother and she was trying to adopt the other one without even mentioning talking to me about anything.. I felt so distant and I literally felt like I was interfering. So we got a bank account together she sent in the negative without discussing what needed to be paid. Then she went through my phone twice without my knowledge and read texts between me and my daughter invaded my privacy.Then did it again..So I just was so pissed off and stuck and hurt.So she went dress shopping I sat and drank got wasted she came home and was pissed.. then came home and told me she couldn’t marry me I’m a man child I have no ambition she should’ve left before she thought I had a drinking problem so basically is telling everyone I’m a alcoholic.. is why things ended.In the end I was love bombed and ghosted and didn’t want to get concealing I had insurance she didn’t. And didn’t want to work on things and so I started packing a few things.. later me and my daughter went back and she had packed up all my stuff moved her house back the way it was before I had moved in there.We both were like wow…I sacrificed my life 45 mins away from my job and a hour home for 6 months we stopped dating and I was living her in life dealing with her baggage..Instead of not rushing a relationship and seeing how things go..So I’m dealing with not listening to my gut talking it thro with anyone and just like that I moved out.. I was living with a narcissist who had insecurity problems who projected this fantasy of a perfect life where nothing would go wrong and when they did started distancing herself from me..and it’s a tough pill to swallow cause now all my stuff is in a storage garage where it should’ve been to begin with..beware of love bombing she gets to move on with her life as if it were nothing and didn’t do anything wrong.We both did but she was looking for someone to boost her ego..
I am a victim of this and this really helped my anxiety reading this.
I met a guy on holiday first week of January in Scotland (I am from the US). We instantly clicked and couldn’t believe it. We were talking about it by the second day how crazy it was. He told everyone about me and his parents the 3rd day (sending pics and FaceTiming etc) and I told mine when I got home. We spend about a week together and then I went home. He invited me to come back 3 weeks later to meet his friends and family and spend quality time together. He said they were the best days he thinks of his life when I was there and we were hanging out prior to that. I got home the first time and he sent me flowers and told me he told his best friend that he thinks he’s falling in love with me and he’s scared because he hasn’t felt that way in forever. So scroll to when I get there to meet the parents. We had an incredible and I mean AMAZINF time. We went to tons of castles, did tours; amazing date nights and then the parents we spent a weekend with going to lovely dinners. He woke me up in the middle of the night the second night at his parents and turned the light on and said “I need to tell you this because I’m having a dream right now and I knew you were next to me. I’m falling in love with you and I feel like every time we hang up the phone I need to say it but now that you’re here I neee to say it”. So fast forward to I get home and it’s all good for a few days and then he starts a brand new job and he is miserable. His whole personality changes. By the way he booked a flight to come meet my parents while I was there and that was to come see them and have fun together 4 weeks later. Well that trip was supposed to be next week and he just randomly in the middle of our conversation last week ghosted me. Still following me and all my friends on social media. He muted me i am pretty sure but not one word. We talked about everything. Our future plan. He could transfer offices in 6 months so he was going to come to NY. Also last Monday we had a FaceTime for 2 hours and talked about where we stood and how he and I were feeling and it was great. He said I haven’t been as present and I know I need to work on it and I will and then 3 days later GONE. I replied to his message and he read it 2 days later and now it has been almost a week. He’s obviously not taking the flight to NY next week but I’m embarassed and shattered and can’t believe he did that. The things he said about me and how much he cared for me. We literally talked about guys who ghosted and how wrong it is to do that. He never bought flowers for any girl but me before. He said he’s never clicked with someone the way we did. I have no idea what to do or how to take it but I needed to tell my story. I’m humiliated and embarassed I had to tell my friends and family (we even got wedding invites from each of our friends for summer to bring each other) that they won’t be meeting him now. Just hurtful and cowardly.
I am so sorry you’re going through this, Rachel! I wish I had something I could say to make it make sense. That’s what’s frustrating about people who love bomb and disappear. Lean on your support networks. It sounds like you’ve dodged a major bullet here, but man, I know you must feel like someone pulled a rug out from under you. Keep your head up, mama.
You dodged a bullet! Good that the dude backed out. Easier to move on that way for you.
I just went thru this exact same thing. Reading it…word for word. Holy crap. Exact same. Only he lives here in the US. I live in NY and he lives in NM. Met him while he was here on military training. Same thing tho, time with him was INCREDIBLE…told me how amazing and special I was within the first two weeks. He wanted me in his life forever. Wanted me to move there in a year when my daughter moves out. Met his friends and he told them the same thing about me. Called us ‘twin flames’ and told me he would have found me at some point in life bc it was serendipity. Told me we had the best sex ever and I feel like home for him. Constant compliments and words of affirmation. All.the.time. Sometimes it was so heavy I asked him if he googled what he said bc it sounded like a hallmark card. Begged me to buy a ticket to come to where he lives in May so we could go on adventures to the nearby national parks. He would bring his Go Pro to take footage of us having fun. Bc all he talked about was doing fun things with me. And Roswell bc Im obsessed with aliens. Wanted to teach me how to two step. Told me he would give me a flannel of his to take home so he could have a piece of him. Told me when he was away from me it felt like a piece of him was missing. We also talked about my abandonment issues and therapy for it and how ghosting effects me and please never do it. Please just use your words if it comes to it. ‘But baby, it never will. I could never hurt you like that. You have my word.’ All within 3 weeks. You get my drift. About 3 weeks ago I bought a flight to see him. He was SO excited. We continued our charade for 3 more weeks. Fast forward to last week when he told me he missed me so much and wanted to call that night to hear my voice and just…didnt. just disappeared like he never existed. My trip is now a week away and nothing. I cancelled the flight of course bc its been a week. Im SO confused as to why it happened. He just told me the day before how much he cant wait to see me. He didnt unfollow me on the socials but i think also muted me. I literally feel like the biggest asshat alive bc I believed him but also how much I talked him up to my friends so fast. Its just embarrassing.
I met a guy and our first date lasted 9 hours (it started as a walk and he kept on asking himself how can he make it last longer) , our second lasted 6 hours and then I ended up staying over. We had our third date 2 days later (3 dates in 5 days). We spoke about everything under the sun and I felt like I’d met someone who would be in my life for ages. (Sidenote: not sure if it’s relevant but I’ve been on many first dates and they never progress to a second date because they’re just not good so this was a huge surprise for me). We had so much in common, and that night he he asked me where had I been since I was so special and that his mum would love me . On our third date he told me he had dated a girl 4 months ago (they went on 5/6 dates) who had gone away on for the summer and while he didn’t know if he would go on a date with her, it would be way more likely that he’d still be dating me in 7 months as opposed to dumping me for her. I then went on holidays for ten days … They were the longest days of my life. We then both went on separate holidays very nearby each other. He invited me to meet more of his friends by spending the day with them and told me how they were all so excited to meet me and had heard so much about me. I didn’t go see him tho as he was too hungover:( He sent me love hearts in texts and X’s too. I came back from holidays a day after him and he got my from the airport I was so excited to see him. We got food and he invited me to a medal presentation and then dropped me home. On the way home he told me he wouldn’t want to go on a date with the other girl even if she texted him because he’d feel awkward because what we have is so good. That was Sunday and then he started texting less during the week. He was passing my house on Thursday so I asked if he wanted to grab a coffee. He said he was getting ones with friends but that I should join. He then said he had drank too much and wondered if I wanted to stay at his (and drive him home). We had a date preplanned for Friday anyway so I said sure. He spent the whole day on Friday pretty much in bed apart from going out for dinner (my turn to buy dinner). The entire date lasted 3.5 hours .. and I had been there ALL DAY! I dropped him to his car on Saturday and on the Monday at 9pm got a text saying something was missing and that it wouldn’t be fair to date me since he’s not fully in it. I think the girl texted him during the week because he changed so much. I even said to my friends it felt like a friend’s vibe when we left each other on Saturday.
Does anyone think he was being true and honest from the beginning? I think he was but I don’t know. He was telling me about meeting his family and him meeting mine and thing’s we would do together. Was he love bombing me? Why did he love bomb me if he was never planning on staying with me? What do you guys all think?
Don’t even worry about it!
That dude didn’t just lied to you, but to the other girl.
He was still in contact with the other girl the whole time and never mentioned you.
If any dude ever brings up dating another girl and would choose me over her. I would drop that MF asap. All guys (even the mute ones) will say the nicest things. Because why? Women love with their ears. They will make you feel special through words and it works every time for a lot of them.
Learn to love and respect yourself. He doesn’t deserve you and do not ever let him back in your life, because you will do yourself a disservice
I think… I got love bombed and ghosted.
It was an intense LDR, we met via a high interactive game and we had mutual online buddies and everything felt right. Or so i thought, cool we “know” each other and he has friends in game, he wouldn’t be a fake his niceness and caring nature right? (everyday everyone we knew mutually would ask me if he’s okay)
We bonded over traumas, him being a young single dad… our mixed racial identity, family, goals, family goals for ourselves and eventually meeting up and actualising us.
Last interaction was him telling me he loves me. Then silence. Nothing not a message or call.
Now 3 weeks later (onto 4th week), I had left one or two messages per day to him riddled with concern for him and his family (he said he was a wreck and his sister was in an accident) and only then I realised it has triggered my anxiety and abandonment issues (I did not even realise how intense it was only learnt to ground myself but still struggling)
I called his numbers, (work and private phone number) left messages on both our social inboxes and messages. But nothing. I realised if he truly loved me like he said… he would let me know by now that he is okay or taking a break. But nothing. But his numbers were straight “Call rejected” which I knew that he has decided to auto reject my calls.
I did nothing but cry every night as though I was grieving as he told me he was so ready to meet me and make me his forever. Sweet loving words anyone would be blinded sided by his ghosting.
Now I have decided I won’t cry anymore and just accept that I have been dropped.
I do not question my self worth or hate myself, more upset this person would hurt after everything we bonded over and how much he declared to everyone we knew, he loved me and was so excited to see me. Only to ghost me.
I hate to say it but deep down I wish he would come back but logically I am numb and tired of waiting.
This article describe most of the points I feel with him. Thanks.
I was recently love bomb then ghost. I felt I met my soul mate and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. The weekend we met in person was the first time that I felt a connection that was perfect. I felt that we were made for each other. It was a closeness that I will never forget. When met him it was the first time in my life that I felt that I could be me and not be judged. He suddenly stopped texting and calling then it was over. I reached out once to assure him that if he needs to talk about anything I’m here to listen. I still feel like he is my soul mate just not now. He will always be in the back of my mind. I will date and have relationships because he will not stop me!! Even though he stop communicating he hasn’t blocked me on Facebook. I shouldn’t feel there’s hope but maybe one day.
I’m so sorry you went through that Nikki. I hope with a little time and space, you’ll see he wasn’t right for you and you’re able to connect with someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
This just happened to me recently the ghosting is the worst part. Now I’ve come across this it makes sense and I can get over him a lot easier.
I only saw his beautiful side I’m now sure there’s another side to him. If I was to meet his ex wife/girlfriends I wonder what they would have to say about him!! That’s why he’s done me a favour.
I love this article, the details were so accurate. Love bombing truly sucks and anyone who do that to anyone is in fact not a good person, so don’t blame yourselves!