There’s nothing quite like meeting someone with whom you have instant chemistry. The vibe is good. You make plans together and enjoy each other’s company.
There’s an undeniable spark.
(Or so you thought.)
Because now? That person you vibed with so intensely has cooled off.
The person who couldn’t wait to set up another date with you has been inconsistent lately.
They don’t return texts as quickly. Sometimes, you are left on “read” for days.
If you do hang out, it’s always last minute.
They send flirty texts, and you still have great conversation when you talk, but it’s becoming much more infrequent.
Everything has stalled.
You’re confused. It feels like rejection.
This is classic breadcrumbing. So what should you do about it?
Should you ignore a breadcrumber?
Absolutely! When someone breadcrumbs you, they do not see you as a potential, serious partner. They may say things that suggest otherwise, but it’s only to string you along.
Relationship expert Jack Butler has some great insights on responding to a breadcrumber.
His advice? Say nothing.
When dealing with a breadcrumber, the best thing you can do is face reality, cut them off, and move on.
Because a breadcrumber will never be anything more than a breadcrumber to you.
It’s possible that one day they might wind up being a good partner to someone else. But as far as you two go?
This situation is never going to change.
It’s much like dealing with a ghoster who comes back. Nothing good will happen.
If you’d like to hear Jack talk about this issue further, check out this video:
Should you confront a breadcrumber?
There’s no point in confronting a breadcrumber. By cutting them off, you’ll get your message across.
I do realize how deeply unsatisfying that feels. We, humans, have a strong desire for closure, so if you must confront them, here are some guidelines to consider.
- Don’t have an agenda. If you must confront a breadcrumber, don’t do it hoping it will spark a conversation that changes the situation. It won’t.
- Don’t get into a back and forth with your breadcrumber. Say your piece, and then end the conversation. Don’t get swept into mind games or manipulation.
What To Say To A Breadcrumber
If you must say something, I’ve collected a few fail-safe responses from relationship experts that will get your point across while allowing your dignity to remain intact.
Again, these are not conversation starters.
You can make these standalone statements to your breadcrumber right before you block communication with them.
What you won’t be doing is getting dragged into a pointless conversation with them.
Alright, here are a few gems you can borrow from relationship experts Jack Butler and Sharon Winters.
- “Hey, I’m actually focusing my attention on a relationship that can go somewhere, so I’m no longer going to be in contact.”
- “Hey, this pattern of communication isn’t great for me. I’m looking for something else right now. Good luck to you.”
- “Hey, I don’t think this is working for me. Let’s just be friends” (But you don’t mean that last part.)
- “I’m looking for someone who wants to be in a relationship with me now. Not in some hypothetical distant future. So I’m done talking to you.”
Don’t Take Breadcrumbing Personally
Butler gives his viewers a piece of interesting advice: do not take breadcrumbing personally.
Which seems counterintuitive, right?
Breadcrumbing feels deeply personal. Someone is playing with our emotions and manipulating us.
How can that not be personal?
But if we choose not to take it personally and see it as a character flaw in the other person for which we bear no responsibility, then we reclaim our power.
We can say to ourselves, “This person is a breadcrumber. They are clearly not interested in a relationship with me. So I’m done wasting my time.”
We do not owe them an explanation, nor do we owe them a conversation. We can simply choose not to participate in the other person’s game.
This is why, to bring it back to the original question, you should just ignore a breadcrumber.
They know the game. Now you know the game. There’s nothing else to be said.
By ignoring your breadcrumber and moving on, you create space for a healthy relationship with someone who wants to be serious with you.
You’ll know you’ve met them because they will be consistent in their actions and intentions toward you. It will make you wonder why you ever gave these goofy game-players the time of day.
So stay strong, cut ties with these clowns, and get the positive relationship you deserve, my friend!
For more relationship tips, check out these related posts:
- What Ghosting Says About You
- Love-Bombed Then Ghosted? Here’s Why It Happens.
- 9 Signs of Love Bombing You Don’t Want To Ignore
- 9 Guided Shadow Work Prompts for Self Love
- How To Stop Caring About Someone Wrong For You